I could not make these these things up. This week the following was overheard or occurred at my house:
Lily "Don't be a bleep-ass." That statement was followed by a look of horror when she realized that she bleeped the wrong word. Rob has now adopted this phrase. Nice job being a positive role model sweetie!
Caroline (in typical cranky spring fashion) was annoying me and I opted to communicate with her solely via text for the night. I texted "Take her out." (as in take out the dog). She responds "You want me to kill someone?"
I asked that someone "please bring me two Advil for my headache." Caroline countered with "Bring me three." Rob added on "I'll take two. Now, how many would that be?" Awesome, family math problems through pain management. That isn't at all weird or slightly dysfunctional.
Rob and Lily were engaging in their nightly round of potty humor. Caroline wonders aloud what it would be like to "live with a classy family for awhile." I shoot back "What do you think I've been trying to create here?" She did agree with me. Of course, two minutes later, Rob was bugging her in the kitchen and poking her with a pink spatula. She counterattacked with a wire whisk. This resulted in a high speed chase with kitchen tools around the house. I felt the need to comment on the "classiness" of said chase. Rob laughed, got whisked in the knee, and responded "Now my knee is light and fluffy." At least Caroline laughed.
At the end of this all Lily yells "We want people to think we're normal. We can't do this. Wait, we aren't normal, are we?"