I stink at not being in control. So many things have been so completely out of my control this year. It seems to be more than even I can take. I have taken the idea of "faking it" and ran with it. Really, that is the only way to get through the day, especially when you are in charge of so many children. Most days it works and some days it fails miserably. Luckily, I am not alone. Rob can read me so well. He can catch me standing in the middle of the room and know that I am having a "moment" (code word for panic attack, I love having a marriage shorthand). So far I am able to ride them out and use my "strategies." This is a real case of physician heal thyself, since I spend most of my day walking angry students through the very same breathing exercises (in through the nose, out through the mouth, squeeze your hands.....).
Yes, for the most part life is very rough these days. I am lucky to have a very sweet class. They seem to have fallen into a groove. I am also lucky to be in the position to have more shared family moments with the girls. The age gap has narrowed ever so slightly; just enough to allow for Dr. Who and pizza family nights.
But still, the best part is Rob. We have been through so much junk (way more than this blog will ever know), but each time we come out stronger and more unified. Take last Thursday. On the way into school from recess, one of my bouncier boys came running to the line. He tripped over another child and slammed head first into my knee. I picked him up and was really expecting to see a gash in his head. He was fine, me, however, not so much. I hobbled to the classroom and sent a child to get ice for me. Just as I was settling my class down, a school helper came in to request that I log in to a new math program right then, so he could test my kids. First graders are incapable of sitting still of waiting, but I still asked my class to sit quietly while I tried to log in. After three failed attempts and a steadily increasing din, I decided to masking tape the ice to my knee, so I could limp to the phone and call for log in advice. I finally logged in and turned to give my class the next direction. Just then our secretary walked into the room with a beautiful bouquet of white daisies and yellow roses. I asked her if she was in the wrong room (I was 29 the last time that I got flowers). She smiled and said read the card.
"Any sucker can send flowers on Valentine's Day. It shows true love to send it on a regular Thursday:) Love, Rob"
So, I cried (just those pretty misty tears, not the red nose drippy ones). My poor kids just looked at their teacher with the ice masking taped to her knee. Then they looked at each other. And then they clapped! It was like a little kid version of An Officer and a Gentleman. The coolest part is that my wedding bouquet was yellow roses and white daisies. When I praised him for that, Rob looked perplexed. "Well," he said "I knew you like daisies and yellow. I just told the florist that." I don't care, I'll take it!