Thursday, February 18, 2010

Lucy, You Got Some 'Splain' To Do

I've said it before, I am the Lucille Ball of the new millennium. I don't mean to get myself in these situations. Really, most of my biggest debacles begin with the best of intentions. For some reason, I decided to have my friend, Stacey, move in the same week as the boys were visiting, which was also the week after snowpocalypse. The roads were horrible. Everywhere I went I would encounter a wall of snow or five inches of ice. To add to the chaos, Stacey's mother decided to have all of her childhood stuff (furniture, boxes of dance costumes, art projects, photos) delivered to my house on Wednesday morning. Luckily, it was a two hour delay for school and the truck was coming at 7:30 am. I got up and was chilling with a cup of tea in my comfy jammies. All of a sudden, I hear a truck pull down my street. Then the noise stops. The freakin truck drove into a snow bank. My entire street was blocked. The driver asked us to call the city to get a plow and salt. That's a riot. Our roads are plowed by the state and there is not a single grain of rock salt left in the entire county. Stacey ends up calling the county and they send out a tow truck and a police officer to close the road.

Meanwhile, Rob calls on his way to work (how does he always know when I have something crazy going on?) and starts to direct things via the phone. I start crying and he accuses me of being irrational. Then he states "This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't invited so many people over at once." I stop crying and ask him if he feels better now that he got that off of his chest. We both calm down and he suggests that I call a co worker for a ride. After I find a ride, I start barking orders and Caroline jumps up and shuts Lily's hand in the foot rest of the chair. Lily starts crying, I kiss her hand and proceed to bark out more orders. Meanwhile the moving men start moving things in through the garage. The door is wide open and cold air starts whipping around the house. Did I mention that my brother was asleep and remained asleep on the coach throughout this?

Lily and I trudge up the hill to meet my ride with her gear and my gear and I can't carry the booster seat, too. My friend distracted the police officer while I buckled Lily in.

When I got home that afternoon, the living room was filled with huge boxes and the basement was filled almost to the ceiling. Stacey is standing in the middle of it showing me her art and her photos. Lily starts trying on her old dance costumes and feather and sequins are flying all over the place. It was chaos.

Of course, after chaos, comes calm. My brother came and took us out to dinner. By the time we came home the living room was empty and neat.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Judging a Book By It's Cover

On Friday, we were finally able to escape the house. Of course we hot tailed it over to the library. As we pulled into the lot, we saw a lady with a wash and wear cut walking purposefully to her car. She was dressed for the weather in a tweedy sweater, cords and sensible shoes. As she put her tote bag into her car, Caroline remarked that she must be enjoying her days off from school. I asked her how she knew she was a teacher. Caroline responded that she looked like one. I then asked, well what do I look like (I was wearing jeans, black sweater, red vest, Birks, and a floppy red hat). Her response? I don't know, a stay at home mother, although a slightly crazy one? Very funny smart ass.

I guess my look came in handy tonight. I was waiting at the train station for the boys. The engine of their train died and they were stuck on the tracks. With all of the snow, there was no way to get them off and onto another, so they had to wait for a new engine. They should have arrived at 3:24, at this time it was 7:00. Anyway, I was sitting in my car reading and trying to stay warm, when an older African-American lady knocked on my window. She had been dropped off by the bus and had no way to get home. After much deliberating (it would be just my luck that she was a ploy and I was going to get mugged by someone waiting outside). I agreed to give her a ride to a phone to get a cab. I helped her walk around the black ice and load her luggage into my car. She climbed in and I turned up the heat. As she started telling me about her difficult trip, I figured that I might as well give her a ride home. She lives in the retirement home not too far from my house. After she said about 10 "Praise Jesus'" she asked me if I was a Christian. I explained that I was a Unitarian. At her blank look, I mumbled something about an "all inclusive religion." She responded "Well, at least your parents raised you right."

After I made sure she was safely home, I needed a place to wait for the train. Where would middle aged woman wearing cat's eye glasses, Birks, a fuzzy purple hat, and a black wrap go on a Saturday night? Why Starbucks of course! I ordered the largest tea they had (begrudgingly using the pretentious ordering procedure). I relaxed and read my book until the boys texted me that they were finally moving. As I got ready to bolt out the door, an exhausted mother walked in with her infant and little pre-school girl. The little girl stopped me to proudly state "Look! I have sparkly red shoes AND a pink bracelet!" Yup, I look like a stay at home mom!

PS The boys finally arrived at 11:30 with their own tales to share. They'll have to get their own blog, though!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Sanity Saver Just in Time for Round Three

Just as the blizzard hit my girlfriend (the one who is moving in this weekend) frantically drove (with her beagle) form her apartment to our house to avoid being trapped alone one more day. When she described trying to dig her car out with a dustpan and then finally saying the hell with it and driving over the snowbanks (she has four wheel drive), I laughed for the first time all day. Yay, another adult! I was able to rally myself enough to make lasagna. We spent the next two days listening to the wind howl and watching movies with charming, mostly British, children (Peter Pan, Nanny McPhee, The Sound of Music). We ate junk, played Wii and computer games, and had an all around fun time. After the children went to bed we got to catch up on Lost. I could not have made it without her.

When we weren't having mad, silly fun, I was watching the trees blow so hard they kissed the ground and listening to the wind try to tear the singles off of my roof. I spent those two nights wide awake praying a tree would not fall on our house. We made it through and now it looks like we might be in the clear (well a light 1-2 inches predicted for Monday, but who cares?).

By the time it will be over, it will have been 11 days since I've seen my students. Good grief how much have they forgotten?

Well, we are getting ready for the next onslaught. My mannys are coming! My cousin, Luke (16) and brother, Colton (14) are arriving tomorrow to spend their winter break with us. Usually, I take time off from work, but having lost so much time with the kids, I really can't risk it. They seem to enjoy loafing around our house and playing Wii. Hopefully they still do. Did I mention my friend, Stacey is moving in tomorrow as well? I am truly trying Rob's patience.

Early in the storm, we were standing outside watching a neighbor trying to get out of the snow. Many of our neighbors had gathered to watch/help. I mentioned to Rob (before he went to help) that I always wanted to live in an area where we were close to our neighbors. He replied, but you married anti-social me. I sighed yeah, then he quickly quipped, so you just import them. He's right, this is my chance to have a big family for a little while.

PS After our "Brit Fest," Lily spent the next day stomping about in her kitty cat books quipping in her best British accent " I haven't the slightest idea why my cat boots keep meowing at me."

Monday, February 8, 2010

The More It Snows...

I love this poem( ), but honest to God after this week I could rewrite it.

The more it snows tiddely pom
the more they go tiddely pom
the more they go tiddely pom
on sobbing.
And nobody knows tiddely pom
how much my head tiddely pom
how much my head tiddely pom
is throbbing.

Ok I love snow days, but this is getting seriously crazy. We just shoveled out of 22 inches (I used a hoe as a pick ax to get through the four foot mountain in front of our mailbox today alone). But that is not enough. No, we are supposed to be getting 7-14 more inches tomorrow. Are you freakin kidding me?!? Best of all, Rob leaves for New Mexico tomorrow morning, leaving me alone with the screaming banshees formally known as my children. I won't be betraying her too much to state that Caroline's hormones are in overdrive. She has lost all control over her body and emotions. If she's not falling and tripping, she's crying and screaming. Throw in Lily, the bully who thinks she's so funny, into the mix and it is insanity.

I am tapping into my inner Jo Frost (Super Nanny) and issuing timeouts and groundings like an over eager rookie cop. Heck, I put Lily's cranky screaming butt in time out in the middle of a snow bank. I am not to be messed with. It's Mommy Boot Camp.

Well, Mommy is tired. I loaded them into the car and drove white knuckled through the snowy streets to get to the store before the next storm. Actually the roads weren't that scary, the people in the store on the other hand... I was afraid to trek to the nice grocery store, so we went to the scary one, the one with the scary people who look like they never leave their houses. I quickly grabbed our necessities and then realized that I forgot the most important necessity of all for a snowed in mama: the chocolate and the wine. "Where the heck is the wine?" I mutter. Of course Lily starts to shout "Wine?" She then launches into "The Wine Song" which is a manically giggling five year old singing "wine, wine, wine, wine!" Over and over as loud as she can. Of course not to be outdone, Caroline quips "Don't you get enough whine from us." All I can think is "Get me the hell out of this store." After listening to the poor boy at the check out tell me about his unfair hours and tired feet, I rush out of there and vow to never go back.

Of course the day is not done, I realize that my front walk needs shoveled. My cousin and brother are visiting and my friend is moving in this weekend. I dug through 20 inches of ice and snow.

Well at least shoveling snow is good exercise. I'll be doing a lot of it this week.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Snowmagedon!!!! Snowpocolpyse!!!!

Well, if you haven't heard the snow of the century hit NoVA. Here in Woodbridge we got about 22 inches. This was predicted earlier in the week. It was talked about for days. We prepared, we knew. Yet some dumb asses were still surprised. Surprised enough to be driving last night in a blizzard. Surprised enough to cause a 30 car traffic jam that closed the major road through town. I only know this because I heard it on the radio from the comfort of my home. I like to think of myself as smart:)

I was a little sick of the hype, though. We had a lovely day. Caroline's friend came over and we watched Over the Hedge (we'd had another snow day on Wed and watched Peter Pan, the live action one). Rob came home early. It was perfect. Like I've said I have a talent for hibernation. We play outside, watch movies, eat treats, snuggle under blankets in warm pjs... The only glitch was the snow coverage. I finally got the friend home, the kids to bed, and Rob was passed out on the coach. Time for my dirty little secret: I am a closet General Hospital fanatic. I turned on the DVR; it was time to find out how Dante really felt about Sonny being his father. Would Lulu continue to stand by her man? I had my tea, I had popcorn, I had Freakin' snow coverage! They preempted my soap to tell me about what I could look outside and see. It was snowing, don't drive. WTH.

I frantically searched for Soapnet and set it to record. The only problem is I have a house full of interrupting yahoos who want to watch movies or football and I can't get TV time. This is driving me crazy.

I know, I know people are without power. People could be dying and I'm bitching about a soap. You know this is all in good fun, right?