Apology

I am looking back and realize how pitiful my September blogging has been. It's been a busy, but producitve month. First grade has completely drained my energy, time, sanity. I wouldn't change a thing.

And the Beat Goes On

I feel like I am living a tween version of fame around here. Caroline has tapped into her inner artsy side. I couldn't be happier or prouder. The long awaited garage band concert was a couple of weekends ago. I was very impressed. She was so nervous, she looked like she was going to her execution. All she could focus on was her mistakes, but all I could see was a very brave, all be it shy, eleven year old drumming in front of strangers. I couldn't do that even now.

This week she tried out for drama club. They are putting on High School Musical, not her favorite show, but she's game for it. She signed up for either a part on stage or stage crew (her cousin Luke has convinced her that the coolest kids do stage crew).

It is amazing to see her blossom into her own person. I watch as she walks to the bus each morning, all tall and lanky, dragging her drum case behind her, and it feels like I am watching her leave me forever. When I get home she pounces on me and chatters away with the stories and adventures of the day. She is making a life in which she is the star and I am no longer the director, but the stage crew. I am here behind the scenes, but she is out there in the spot light without me, thriving. I feel the strangest combination of pride and sadness. It is a beautiful emotion.

Happiness Is.....

The lazy days of summer are over and now we are back to the break neck dash through insanity that is our daily life. Both of the girls are in different spaces away from me for the first time. I am loving teaching first grade, but feel a bit like a kid myself. I keep joking that I am always running behind my teammates yelling guys wait up. I forget to do something everyday, but my students are happy, I am happy, and no one is hurt. What else could you want from the first week?

This summer started out so promising (I read at least sixteen books, we went to the pool, watched ridiculous amounts of Food Network, and generally just enjoyed each other), then came the end of July. By August we'd had two ER visits, a dead car, a new car (quite lovely, actually), a broken sink, a flooded basement and a strung out mother. Oh well, crap happens and life still goes on.

Despite all of the drama, I am happy. Sometimes I wonder about the basic simplicity of my life. Should I have done something more exciting and worthwhile? Should I have traveled? Have I met my full potential? Should I be living a higher/better life? I am a stereotype without a doubt. Look up suburban mother and there I am. Sure, I like to think that I am slightly more exotic than the rest. I wear flowy clothes, I listen to the Ramones while I power walk through the neighborhood, I'm a Unitarian, but really what does that have to do with anything? I am rushing around carting kids from place to place, packing lunches, washing dishes and laundry, the same things as every other mom. We are more alike than not. There is nothing that I would change.

I love my job, I love my family, I like watching TV and reading chic lit. I find myself feeling the need to apologize for those things. My chic lit choices are more intellectual than fluffy, so that makes them better. I watch Bravo and Food Network, so therefore my TV viewing is not as vapid. I taught special ed, which was noble. Who was I trying to impress? Quite frankly, the voice in my head is a pompous ass and if it were a real person I would never hangout with it. Why should I judge myself?

I am who I am. I have not wasted my education or intelligence. I am happy. What else could you ask for?