Saturday, September 12, 2009

Happiness Is.....

The lazy days of summer are over and now we are back to the break neck dash through insanity that is our daily life. Both of the girls are in different spaces away from me for the first time. I am loving teaching first grade, but feel a bit like a kid myself. I keep joking that I am always running behind my teammates yelling guys wait up. I forget to do something everyday, but my students are happy, I am happy, and no one is hurt. What else could you want from the first week?

This summer started out so promising (I read at least sixteen books, we went to the pool, watched ridiculous amounts of Food Network, and generally just enjoyed each other), then came the end of July. By August we'd had two ER visits, a dead car, a new car (quite lovely, actually), a broken sink, a flooded basement and a strung out mother. Oh well, crap happens and life still goes on.

Despite all of the drama, I am happy. Sometimes I wonder about the basic simplicity of my life. Should I have done something more exciting and worthwhile? Should I have traveled? Have I met my full potential? Should I be living a higher/better life? I am a stereotype without a doubt. Look up suburban mother and there I am. Sure, I like to think that I am slightly more exotic than the rest. I wear flowy clothes, I listen to the Ramones while I power walk through the neighborhood, I'm a Unitarian, but really what does that have to do with anything? I am rushing around carting kids from place to place, packing lunches, washing dishes and laundry, the same things as every other mom. We are more alike than not. There is nothing that I would change.

I love my job, I love my family, I like watching TV and reading chic lit. I find myself feeling the need to apologize for those things. My chic lit choices are more intellectual than fluffy, so that makes them better. I watch Bravo and Food Network, so therefore my TV viewing is not as vapid. I taught special ed, which was noble. Who was I trying to impress? Quite frankly, the voice in my head is a pompous ass and if it were a real person I would never hangout with it. Why should I judge myself?

I am who I am. I have not wasted my education or intelligence. I am happy. What else could you ask for?


withak said...

I love to read your blogs, they are so thoughtful and from the heart. You are really a wonderful, caring person.

mooserbeans said...

Thanks you very much, withak. Thanks for reading.