No wonder I have headaches, my emotions are all over the place. Over the past two days, I have gone from heartbreak to elation and back to heart break again.
Today, I took Caroline on a tour of VCU with our Girl Scout Service Unit. I was so thrilled to see her excitement and to picture the future ahead of her. She is absolutely in love. VCU has everything she wants. I loved it there and it is even better now.Then I got home...
I rushed to the computer to finish my report cards and Caroline came downstairs to whisper the news about Boston in my ear. My first instinct was to mentally rage against the world, to scream in my head: "The world sucks! I hate people! I hate fate! I hate cancer" (can you guess what has been the most pressing thought on my brain?). And then a wise friend posted this from Patton Oswalt:
"Boston. Fucking horrible.
I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity."
But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be
behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of
But here's what I DO know. If it's one
person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a
fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet.
You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS
the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner
Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and
we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred
for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in
awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and
they're pointed towards darkness.
But the vast majority
stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a
virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers
and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion
or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently
evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.
And another wise friend re-posted this (she had posted it after Connecticut in December):
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother
would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who
are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I
remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that
there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world.” —
So there you have it, I need to stop raging against the world and fate and everything that I can't control. I need to have faith in humanity, faith in the future. There is no better way to restore your faith, than to spend it with your child. I watched Caroline today and saw all that she will become. She is so ready for the world. I have raised this amazing and compassionate young woman. She will do great things with her life. She will be one of the "helpers." What more could I ask for?