Friday, April 20, 2012

Why Can't We Be Friends?

There has been a lot of judgement in the press lately. Especially judgement against mothers. Which type of mother is the best? Stay at home or working outside of the home? Can you even consider a stay at home mother as having a job in the technical sense? All I know is there is a lot of debating and hard feelings being created by the very people who should be standing by each other: mothers. No matter what we have that in common.

Most of the time motherhood is a thankless and exhausting job. Honestly it is voluntary servitude with moments of pure bliss and satisfaction. Most of the time I only appreciate my mothering moments when I look back upon them months or often years later. Day to day, I just try to survive and manage and then feel guilty that I have wished away another day.

I really can't say which form of motherhood is best because I have really only lived one: working out of the home (is the the PC term now? I can't keep up and no matter how hard I try, I offend someone.). I love being a mother. I love my girls and my husband. I just don't always feel like I'm doing a good job (see 90% of my blog posts). From my point of view, I am usually torn in two or more directions giving half of myself to either one. Everyday feels like a life or death decision. Every turn I make, I worry that I am making a choice that will harm my children irrevocably. It probably doesn't help that I spend my day with other people's children. Children that I can be more patient with than my own. In a haze of sleep deprivation, trying to decide whether to stay home with my sick child, feels like Sophie's Choice (I'm dramatic when I am tired).

Mothers as a general group don't get much respect. A child gets hurt or does something foolish and people ask "Where was his mother?" When Rob stayed home with Caroline as a toddler, he was praised by stay at home mothers for bringing her to school dressed with barrettes in her hair. When I picked her up, it suddenly would become obvious that she was dressed in something foolish like shorts in December and her barrettes were crooked. Those same mothers would look at me like I had lost my mind and should have my Mommy Card revoked. Or did they? Was it really them or my paranoia?

I started blogging was to vent and share my funny little stories. What I discovered is this is a way to give a "I hear you, sister!" and some "That'a girls" to other mothers. I think I am really the only one judging me and truly, who the heck am I to judge anyone. It doesn't matter how we do it, the ultimate outcome is we are creating and leading the next generation. In the long run it isn't going to matter how we fed them as babies or where they slept. It won't matter if we were home all day or only at night. What matters is did we teach them to be kind. Did we love them? We are all mothers regardless of title. Don't you think that it is time we offered each other some kind words? "Way to clean up that poopy diaper! No one grounds a teenager like you! You go sister! I've got your back."

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