Saturday, April 14, 2012

Put On a Happy Face

I remember learning in psychology 101 that smiling releases endorphins which tricks your brain into feeling happy. These days, I must look like quiet a sight to those who are in the surrounding cars during my commute to and from school. I drive along on auto pilot, drinking jasmine green tea, listening to loud rock music, and smiling all the way. I don't have another choice. I don't feel very happy right now, so by golly, I'll fake it. I am lucky that I get to spend most of my day working with children. They have a way of moving your focus off of yourself. The flip side is I go home to my own personal child who wants the focus on her and her alone.

Lily is definitely going through something right now. I spend so much time arguing with her. She won't cave. I ask her to clean her room and she responds "make me." It is enough to make me want to spank her, but I know that will get me nowhere. What it does get her is timeout. She's spent a lot of time in timeout in her room. I know that this will pass.

I have some odd ways of dealing with stress and melancholy. I tend to gravitate towards very bittersweet books. I don't even hunt for them. I pull a book off the shelf and it matches my mood and current situation. I can fake happy all day, but at night I can dive into sadness. There is nothing wrong with being sad, as long as you don't let it take you over. Towards the end of this week I did feel like it was in danger of taking me over, but today has been better. I got some sleep for one thing. I didn't get much else done, though. All of that cleaning that I did last week is gone now.

Not only did I spend last week tricking myself into feeling happy, I was super mom. I was an unbelievably efficient organized working robot mother. That explains the tiredness.

I don't know how long this will go on. I just need to go one day at a time and do the best that I can each day. I end the day trying to focus on what I was able to get done and being thankful for my blessings. I am not always successful, but practice makes perfect.


Anonymous said...

tell the kid that you are gonna remove (donate,sell) all things not returned to their proper place, then stick to it and don't cave because she will be waiting for that. she will catch on and save you a lot of work in the end

EK said...
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