I'm kind of stuck on this whole idea of relationships lately. For a blog that is supposed to about my children's antics, I seem to be doing a lot of self reflecting. Pretty narcissistic for a shyish bookwormy type. Anyway, relationships. I have reached the sage Jedi master stage of marriage. We're in a groove, no mid life crisis yet. This morning as Rob and I checked off the list of to dos before a quick good bye I said "We seem more like consultants in the business of family, than a couple." He said "Well, that's where we are." He's right.
I have become what one friend calls "the patron saint for young women with immature or stupid boys in their lives." (this is an unofficial title, no word from the Pope yet). I have some good women friends with relationship issues (no details will be given their stories are not mine to tell). I have spent a great deal of time listening to what's going on and giving what I hope is useful advice. Mostly I listen and try to cheer each one on, although a a few times I have wanted to take a couple of their guys into a room and knock their heads together.
The response I get after talking to some of them is "We should clone Rob. He's wonderful." Whoa there hold your horses. I absolutely adore my husband, but he is not perfect and for that matter neither am I. We have had some pretty big bumps in the road that we have worked hard to get through. Honestly, sometimes it was really hard. I think the thing we aren't prepared for when we get married is how hard it is. It is constantly changing, while also staying very much the same. It's more than the wedding, the gown, the flower, and the honeymoon. It's not just an event. Romance is more than flowers, presents, dinners out etc. It's a partnership.
My parents took the kids last weekend (thanks again guys) and Rob and I had a whole day together. I believe the last one was when Lily was two. We had a wonderful time. We had lunch out, went to a movie, and had dinner out. We had a movie choice between Watchmen or He's Just Not That into You. Rob choose the latter. Probably because Watchmen is three hours and because he knew I really wanted to see He's Just Not.....
SPOILER ALERT (kind of)
I enjoyed the movie. It was cute and in someways uncomfortably truthful. Men can be jerks and women can be drama queens. A couple of things really made me think. In the beginning a little girl is crying because a boy pushed her and called her names. her mother says he did it because he likes her. The narrator explains that that's where all the trouble begins. Women are programmed to think men being mean means they like you. Hmm? Never really thought of it like that. Have I used that line with my girls? Yup. Did my mom use it with me? Yup. Will I ever use it again? Nope. Will the friends that I shared this scene with use it again? Probably not.
The other thing that made me tear up is when one of the male characters is cleaning up the kitchen after a family emergency. He's just helping out. Not doing women's work. Not being praised for it. Just helping. See, a partnership.
That's what I think Rob and I have now. We fill in where the other is lacking. He knows my strengths and weaknesses. I know his. It's like a dance and we do it very well. So many things we can do without even talking. Take a sick child in the middle of the night. We each have our jobs and do then without a word. The child is cleaned and comforted all in five minutes without any problems. It is an amazing and powerful thing to be that in sync with someone. It also takes work to get there and maintain it. It isn't always constant, but when you loose it, it is worth fighting for and working to get back.
OK enough sermons for now. My kids better do something funny soon so I don't have to think so much.