Friday, January 1, 2010

Back to Reality

Thanks to the surprise snow storm at the end of December, the girls and I have had 16days off from school. It has been the laziest and most relaxing vacation ever. Partly due to the fact that I have been feeling so crummy and partly due to the fact that I hibernate well. Hibernation is one of my special talents. We bake, we snack, we watch lots of movies or holiday specials, and we surf the net, most of this done in comfy pjs with fuzzy socks while wrapped in snuggly blankets. My friend described my house as "joining a bunch of cuddly puppies." Yup that's us, warm and dozy.

Rob is in between jobs (he starts his new one on Jan 4), so he was able to join us for the last week. Everyday, we took a break from chilling to complete a long put off household task (lots of organizing and throwing away). We all also stayed up way too late and slept in (often in a snuggly bunch of kids and parents). Not a soul rose before 9:30. I am blessed to have kids who love to sleep in (at least on the days when there is no school).

But as I sit here with a queasy feeling in my stomach, I know there is another reason for this self imposed isolation. I am worried. When I worry, I pull the ones I love best close together and hunker down. I truly am happy with just the girls and Rob. I don't think there are many couples who are just so happy to be together. He's my best bud. Unfortunately, that makes fear losing him all the more. I don't talk about it a lot because he'd be mad at me, but Rob is not a very healthy man. He has diabetes and doesn't manage it as well as he should. I know that my time with him is shorter than most couples our age. I deal with this by trying to be super woman and prove myself or by sticking my hands over my ears and singing la la la la. I know that he is not feeling well lately and that makes me nervous (my step father has also been sick so I'm on hyper alert). I've lost so much of my family, I live in terror of losing anyone else. I don't think that I could function without him. I really need to be more realistic and come up with a plan, but that is too practical, even for the likes of me.

P.S. If you read this (family, friends) please do not mention this post to him. It will only piss him off and not change a thing. I have promised not to write about him too much, but what can I say? If I write it maybe the worry will lessen. Yeah, right and pigs will fly:)


Anonymous said...

missy, you have mr worried.

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mooserbeans said...

Bob, is that you? Don't worry. I do enough of that for everyone. We just got a Wii fit and I am hoping that it will kick his competitve side in and he'll use it with me. I can't nag him that doesn't work. He's so stubburn. I don't know where the comes from:)

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Betsy said...

I can't share your valid reason for worrying, but I can relate to the feeling of not wanting, not being able to fathom, being without your mate. It shakes me to the core. You should be allowed to talk about it. I would imagine you need to talk about it.