Friday, August 7, 2015

Cross Roads

I debated writing this post because I was afraid I would across as conceited or a self imposed type martyr, so I ask that you read this with that in mind.

For most of my teens and adulthood, I have been a safe haven at a cross roads. I am the person people go to when they are overwhelmed or hurting or lonely. My family has always "taken in strays," so it stand to reason that I would have cultivated the talent of rescuing people. If I were a food, I'd be mac and cheese. If I were a drink, I'd be hot tea with milk and sugar. In other words, I am comfort food. I am pretty good at listening and offering common sense advice. I am also good at recognizing people's strengths and boosting their confidence.

I really don't mind being a "safe haven," "solid object," "port in the storm." I especially don't mind it when it is for my girls or Rob. I don't mind when it is for my students. But here's the tricky part, for friends I fill a temporary need. Time and time again, I have had a friend come to me seeking support, advice, a place to stay. I have gladly helped. The problem is this is all temporary. I am not one to manage to keep friends for an extended period of time. I am emotional first aide. I take them in, "bandage" them up and then they are off on there way. At first I tried to pursue the relationship by inviting them over or out. It always seemed to fall flat.

I have learned my lesson. Don't be the pursuer, be the pursuee. Or better yet, let it roll off of your back when someone who seemed like a close friend drops off of the face of the Earth. I do get lonely when these relationships fade.

I have always been dependable and sensible. I find myself describing Caroline as sensible and kick myself. To me, sensible means you don't taken risks and most likely you put the needs of others before your own. Life is not a regency era novel. Rarely is there a reward at the end for being a "constant" person. True fact.

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