It is hard to believe that it has been a month since I lost my mother. I want to talk to her everyday. It still doesn't feel like she's gone. Life has gone on despite it all. My brother, step father, and I have been grieving in our own ways. I have thrown myself into working and activities, staying as busy if not busier than usual. Underneath it all, I am very fragile and very tired. I just don't show it.
The girls are the girls. Caroline and I went shopping for a homecoming dress. It was sad and strange. We found a nice dress. She and Cristhian are going next weekend. She earned an academic letter for her freshman year. The awards ceremony is on November 9th. I am so very proud of her. Her classes have been tough this year, but we knew that going in. I think that she is doing a wonderful job. She also got a job taking care of a 15 year old German Shepard after school. Yes, doggie hospice seems to be the perfect job for my girl. Rob and I being us, explained in detail what to do if the dog dies. Caroline being Caroline quipped "Yeah, I guess you can't call 911 for a dog." Lucky doggie, she gets to spend her last days with the sweetest of girls.
Lily has struggled a bit as well. She has the same spelling curse as Caroline and I. Math, however, she loves. I still haven't figured out how to get her to read more. Violin is going fairly well. She is going to play in a concert at the Mormon Cathedral (I think that's the right word choice) for Christmas. I am so excited for her. She is finally sleeping in her room and through the night. As a reward she got a Beta fish. According to Lily, he is also afraid of the dark and needs the lights on. So much anxiety in this kid. I have come to the realization, though, that laying down rules with her and sticking to them lessens the anxiety. It makes sense, trying to control everything makes you anxious (just ask any parent).
As a family, we have laid low this fall. The weekend that we planned on having a fun family outing was rainy. Most weekends have been soccer and violin and errands and cleaning. All the regular stuff. Life goes on, even with a hole in your heart.