Monday, May 9, 2011

Navigating a Minefield

Parenting a teenager in this day and age is so very difficult. Most days I really don't feel at all equipped. Especially when you take into account that when I was a teen I was shy and stuck in a time warp. Think a Lousia May Allcott/Sandra Dee hybrid. If I didn't experience a normal teen life in the 80's, how in the world can I help Caroline through the here and now?

I guess, I just do my best and try not to take anything personally. It is hard when I feel like there are so few parts of my daily life where I am not being attacked or having unreasonable demands made upon me.

I am so glad that at least I am not charging through this field alone, I have Rob. Every once in a while though, I need to escape to the time when I was semi-normal or at least felt comfortable with who I was. A time when I had hope and optimism and really had no idea what true exhaustion was. I time travel to the 90's. I was still fairly alone, but I had best friends like Salinger and Faulkner. I listened to amazing music (still do!) like David Bowie, U2, REM, The Ramones, and The Clash. I had my own style of flowy gypsy skirts with Chucks and the most awesome patched jean jacket. I wanted to change the world and had an idea of how to do it. I had no idea how overwhelming a task that truly is.

I get together with my "pre-kid" friends a couple of times a year. They know me as myself, not just a mother. We have traveled to adulthood together. I can clearly look back and remember the moments when we crossed over together: marriage, houses, pets, births, deaths. That was my journey. I had/have amazing people to share it with me. It created me. All of it was important: the good and the bad. I need to let my girls take their journey. I can be the GPS (look at me moving into the 21st century), but they might not always follow. I can't force them, although I wish that I could. I would save them the heartbreak. But then again, how do you know joy, if you've never felt heartbreak?

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