Outdated

I have always known that I am becoming obsolete. The kids don't understand my pop cultural references. Tapes, videos, and CDs are things of the past. I was comfortable with these things. After all, I am solidly into adulthood. I have no delusions of being young, hip, or trendy. But this week, I discovered that two things that I was solidly confident in were blown out of the water.

It all started with studying math with Lily. We were working on the study packet for her big unit test. I was shocked to discover that Lily did not understand place value. She had been earning good grades in math, and we hadn't seen her class work since it is in a log that stays at school. I tried to show her how to add with regrouping. She looked at me like I was writing in Chinese. I dug out the example guide and quite honestly, I couldn't figure out how to explain the examples to her. This time I was the one reading "Chinese." After she went to bed Rob asked me "What the hell was that? What ever happened to just doing math?"

The next night I took Caroline to her mandated parent-student driver's education presentation. Low and behold, I have been driving incorrectly for the past 24 years. Both my hand positioning and mirror placement are inadequate. After hearing repeatedly that I am the most important influence on my teenager's driving, I felt obligated to mend my ways. I am fairly certain that I am the only parent who left the presentation, got into my car, and adjusted my mirrors. I then spent the drive home being surprised by the lights in my mirrors.

Well, we'll see if the Mom 2.0 upgrade works.

Darkness

Oh fall, such a melancholy season. I think the reason that it is such a breathtakingly beautiful time of year is to hide the reality of how damn sad it is. Most nature based religions view this as a time of reflection for a reason. It amazes me how a season of death and ceasing can be so lovely. This year has been particularly stunning. Usually, I relish and thrive in the bittersweet moments. This year, I am choking and drowning. I am so very overwhelmed and so very sad. I am working out a plan. Mostly, I am faking it. My usual "fake it 'til you make it." approach just isn't working.

I am not quite sure of the next step. I'll figure it out. I am plodding through each day doing what needs to be done. Filling out reams of tedious paperwork, driving children places, grading papers, cleaning up messes, planning lessons, and so forth. I have been faithfully posting the 30 Days of Thankful on Facebook. It has helped a little.

Hopefully, I'll have time and energy to post more later.